So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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