Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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