in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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