Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize