I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
