How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
