you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
