): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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