some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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