what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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