His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize