the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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