Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
