mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
