I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
