Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
