dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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