maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
