That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
