hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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