I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
