I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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