I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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