I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
