pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
