her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
