could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
