Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
