I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize