goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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