I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
