like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
