i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
