Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
