She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
