i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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