All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
