her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
