I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
