I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
