My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
