You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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