I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
