i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
