I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
