Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
