I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
