I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
