he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
