I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
