Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
