Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
