tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
