So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
