oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
