I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize