If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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