I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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