Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
