I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
