we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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