Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
