Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
