yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
