Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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