Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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