It's Friday. Sex?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
