Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
