I'm jealous of your bromance
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
