His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize