I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I love you. Go after that dick
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
