Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
