i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
