so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
