Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
