I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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