so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
