Yo dont text me then not text me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We have started to decorate penises.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
