He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
