I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
