i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
what day is it and did you see me today?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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