I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
