Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Randomize
