I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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