My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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