Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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