i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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