Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
