Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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