ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize