i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
