All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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