I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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