I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
