We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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