she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
