I cockslap morals
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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