Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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