pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My penis needs a shock collar
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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