So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize