You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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