How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
