??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
