he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
