How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
