it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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