tell your sister to shave her snatch
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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